Celestial
by Honeybadger
Summary: Hitsugaya Toshirou, child, capatin, celestial gaurdian? A web of connecting moments, characters, relationships and theories. Last new chapter for a while. Enjoy!
1. Rumours

Hello and welcome to a somewhat bizarre fic. It was put together from a rambling assortment of musings. As a result it is not always in chronological order, but there is a theme running through it. Some things may not be obvious at first, but stick with it. I promise I have already written the ending. I just need to get there. I hope you'll come with me.

Bleach is not mine.

* * *

Prologue

Whether it was a beginning or an end or both he couldn't tell. The cycle had come round again as it inevitably did. Everything was bright. Everything was so white that he could only tell it had been white when it started to recede. Colours and dark shapes began to appear and that pure, bright white faded. He opened his eyes. He missed the white light, but there was whiteness here too. Wherever here was.

Snow fell in Rungokai.

* * *

Chapter 1: Rumours

There had always been rumours about Hitsugaya Toshirou. Even before he was a shinigami, back in Rungokai where he lived with Momo and an old lady who liked them to call her Granny.

When you are a kid with white hair you attract rumours.

Some said that he was sick like that Captain in the city. Others said that his hair was a mark that he didn't belong here, that he was a soul destined for hell. Some people just shouted insults. But everyone agreed there was something strange about the boy.

Everyone except Momo. One of the reasons he liked Momo was that she had never listened to the rumours about him.

But Toshirou heard the rumours. Perhaps in an attempt to prove them all wrong he made himself perfectly normal. He put up a mask and reassured himself that there was nothing strange, nothing special about him.

So when Hinamori declared that she was going to be a shinigami Toshirou couldn't understand it. Why would she leave him and the normality that they had here?

After she had left he didn't try to make friends with the other kids around. They had only tolerated him because Momo was there. There was something no quite right about him, they could tell.

Nobody knew when Toshirou had arrived in Soul Society. He didn't remember himself. Other people sometimes talked about their lives on earth. But for Toshirou everything was a blank before he arrived. A bright white blank.

But he'd be damned before he stood out. He didn't want any one making a fuss about him. He hated it when Momo came back and patted his head and told him about the academy.

"Why do you tell me all this bedwetter-Momo? I don't care."

"But Shiro-chan, the academy is so great. It really brings out the best in you."

Toshirou wasn't sure he wanted the best in him to be brought out. He picked at a scab on his knee.

Momo didn't seem to notice how bored Toshirou was, "Being a shinigami gives you so many chances you wouldn't get otherwise. And you might even have a chance to work with captain Aizen." She paused then hurriedly said, "Or another of the captains."

Toshirou yawned.

It wasn't until Momo told him of the hollow attack she had been saved from by captain Aizen that Toshirou's attitude began to change. Something stirred inside him, a will to protect. He didn't want to see Momo getting hurt. But there was a deeper feeling too, one he couldn't quite pin down.

So when Granny died, (or was reincarnated, Toshirou didn't really understand, not remembering his own time on earth) he decided to go and see what all the fuss was about.

* * *

Hitsugaya found that there were new rumours here at the academy. He didn't seem to be able to shake them. 

There was a name for him floating around. Tensai. Genius. Prodigy.

Hitsugaya didn't see what all the fuss was about. Everything was so simple, like he had done it a thousand times before.

There were rumours about how he had entered the academy too. That he was Ukitake's son, that he had cheated on the entrance test, that he wasn't a child at all, just a very short old man. But the truth was much less exciting

Hitsugaya owed his place at the academy to his own dogged determination. He had turned up at the annual examinations like everybody else.

* * *

"Hey kid," said the proctor, "Are you lost?" 

"Is this the place for the shinigami examination?"

"Yeah."

"Then no." Hitsugaya walked past with the confidence that only someone who doesn't really care can achieve.

He entered the wide courtyard at the front of the academy. There were a lot of people milling around looking nervous, or looking over confident. Hitsugaya was the only one looking bored.

"Hey kid."

Hitsugaya was starting to dislike being called that. He looked up to see who had spoken. It was a tall man wearing some very fancy looking clothes, better clothes than any one even in the 1st division of Rungokai could afford.

"What?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the examination," Hitsuagaya said stubbornly.

The man laughed very loudly. As if his hair and his height weren't enough to attract attention Hitsugaya now had a circle of curious people forming around him.

"Are you lost?" asked a nervous woman, putting a hand on Hitsugaya's shoulder.

He swatted the hand aside and sighed. "No."

"Are you here to see someone then?"

"Yes."

"Ah who. Maybe we can help you find them." The woman smiled kindly.

"The examiner. Same as you." Hitsugaya scratched his neck. He was saved from any more questions by a loud voice ringing out across the courtyard.

"Please proceed into the academy in single file. Collect a number as you enter. Keep the number with you at all times. Please follow the instructions of the instructors when you get inside."

Hitsugaya queued up for him number. People kept jostling him since they missed him. Even the shinigami handing out numbers missed him.

"Hello!" Hitsugaya waved a hand in the guy's face.

"Ah," the instructor jumped in surprise. "Do you need some help sonny?"

"No. I need a number."

"Oh, here."

Hitsugaya was handed a card with 99 on it. And waved through. Behind him he could hear snickers.

* * *

Inside he found a written test. Some of the questions were simple questions on spiritual matters, some were designed to test spatial ability, logic, mathematics, linguistics. Hitsugaya didn't even think about them. The answers just crystallised in his mind perfectly clear. 

The real problem came with the physical tests. At first the instructor wouldn't let him participate.

"I don't want to be responsible for you getting hurt."

"Then I'll be responsible for not getting myself hurt, ok."

"No."

"Is there any rule that says I can't participate?"

"No."

"Then there's no problem." And Hitsugaya set off on the required run.

Half an hour later a quarter of the candidates had collapsed or given up. Hitsugaya hadn't broken a sweat. He never did. He almost never overheated except in the very hottest weather. But that didn't mean he wasn't tired. He took a glass of water gratefully from the nice woman he'd met in the courtyard.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you doing ok?"

"I'm fine."

Before the conversation could proceed or become awkward another voice called out announcing the next part of the exam. Combat.

Hitsugaya found his number matched up with another on a large board. He waved goodbye to the nice woman with the water.

At the training ground he handed his number to another instructor who gave him a wooden practice sword in exchange.

"You made it this far kid, I'm impressed." It was man in the fancy clothes from before. "Sorry you won't make it any further."

"Whatever." Hitsugaya raised his sword into something he instinctively felt was a good position. His experience of fighting was limited to scraps with other children. The closest he's ever come to a sword was a stick.

The fancy man laughed. "I feel kinda bad about beating up a kid. Intstructor?"

The instructor looked up from his notes, "Yes?"

"This isn't going to count against me is it?"

"Only if you lose. Please begin."

"Ah, it's just a shame I can't show off my skills against a worthier opponent. Best make the best of it." And with that he launched himself at Hitsugaya.

Or at least where Hitsugaya had been.

Hitsugaya felt a curious clarity as he had watched the man. His stance had showed exactly what he was about to do. Hitsugaya dodged to the left. His opponent had the advantage of height, weight, reach and actually some experience with a sword.

Hitsugaya dodged backwards again, putting as much distance between the man and him. What exactly did he have on his side he mused. Well, speed for one, and his reflexes were better too, but that wasn't going to save him.

Even though he should have been worried facing a much stronger opponent, he wasn't. Another thing he could add to his list of advantages was the fantastic clarity. Everything was clear like crystal or ice. He knew what he had to do.

Hitsugaya stepped off the defensive, surprising his opponent. In a flash he was up close to the man. Range was no longer an advantage. Hitsugaya kept his head low and his sword high, occasionally making swipes at his opponent's legs. For a moment he was pushing the other man back.

But the surprise only lasted so long. With a few strong thrusts the man was in charge of the battle again.

Hitsugaya dodged backwards to avoid a stroke from above. It barely missed him. But here, now, this was his chance.

Before his opponent could raise his sword for another hit, Hitsugaya had ducked underneath his sword. With a solid crack, Hitsugaya swiped his own sword into the man's ribs.

He skidded to a halt. The instructor called out something. Hitsugaya looked up.

* * *

Perhaps this is where some of the rumours began. The instructor later said to his friends over a good dose of sake that the kid's eyes were one of the scariest things he's ever seen. 

"It was like something huge was looking out. Something old and bright and shining. And then the next minute it's just a normal kid again, helping the other guy to his feet."

"Oh shut up, Suzuki. You've had too much to drink."

"I'm telling you it was terrifying. You know like when the captain gets mad."

"Shut up and drink your sake."

* * *

Hitsugaya helped the other man over to the healers. He was mostly just surprised and winded. 

"Ha! Kid, you weren't screwing around were you? I should have taken you seriously. You better go on to do something bloody brilliant, so I don't feel bad about losing to you. I'll be back next year. If I catch up with you, I'll beat you up. Remember Kobayashi Sho."

"Whatever, old man." Hitsugaya didn't like expectations. But he did say as he turned to leave, "Hitsugaya Toshirou."

* * *

"Hitsugaya-taichou, there are three hollows in the area of the Fire Station. They have members of the third division pinned down," a shinigami gave a quick report. 

Hitsugaya nodded and with a quick shunpo and a flash of steal the hollows were dispatched.

He landed next to the shinigami who had apprised him of the situation. "Have you radioed for the fourth division?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. There were no serious injuries, but better safe than sorry." Hitsugaya called up a hell butterfly for the passage back. He paused a moment, "Kobayashi?"

"Yes sir." The shinigami straightened up.

"You said you were going to beat me up."

"Yes sir, I'm sorry sir."

"Lucky for me you haven't caught up... yet." Hitsugaya smiled.

Kobayashi Sho laughed nervously. He had always worried his hasty remarks would come back to haunt him. Threatening a future captain of the gotei-13 is not a good start to a career as a shinigami.

"Make sure the medics take a look at your ribs. That's a nasty gash. Maybe you should focus on your defence in training." With that Hitsugaya stepped into the portal to the Soul Society.

* * *

Toshirou didn't like his academy uniform. It was about three sizes too big and it itched. Hinamori said it made him look cute. She had ruffled his hair and called him Siro-chan again even though she had promised not to when he entered the academy. It seemed her promises didn't mean much. 

One of her friends plucked at her elbow.

"See you later Shiro-chan," she waved goodbye.

Toshirou tried to fix his hair and ignore what Hinamori's friend said as they walked away.

"Do you know that kid Hinamori-san? What's he doing here?"

"Oh Toshirou-kun is a genius," Hinamori smiled, unaware of what rumours she had started about her young friend with those simple words and the trouble they would cause.

* * *

That is the end of chapter one. I hope you don't mind the slightly bizarre chronology. It does dot around through time. If you would like to read a simpler Hitsugaya fic please head on over to my fic 'The Family of Ice and Snow'. It fits in with this fic and shows a young Hitsugaya at the academy. This fic should catch up to that one in the next chapter which is almost finished. 

Please write me a review. It will only take a minute of your time and will make me a very very happy person. Constructive criticism is welcome.


	2. Whispers

Ack! I missed my own deadline of the end of last week that I set for myself. Sorry sorry! Life caught up with me and decided to punish me with a cold for doing too much in term. Anyway on with the story.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Whispers**

Two weeks into his stay at the academy Hitsugaya discovered the library. He had of course known about the library before, but it was only two weeks in that he really discovered how interesting and safe it was. People didn't pester him. At first hiding in the library had been a way of escaping the chatter which always surrounded him. But soon he found himself being interested in the library itself. There was just so much knowledge. His head felt as though it was expanding all the time.

And in the quiet of the library he could hear himself think. Or he could hear something else inside of him thinking. There were whispers which he couldn't tell were inside his head or out. So he blocked them out with study.

Most of the time.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" Hitsugaya looked up from his book. Hashimoto the woman who had given him water at the exam was standing over him.

"Yes, Hashimoto-san?" Hitsugaya finished his stroke and put down his pen.

"You made it through the exams then?"

"As did you." Hitsugaya wiped ink off his fingers and stood up. Since coming here he found himself wanting to make the most of what little height he had by standing as much as possible.

Hashimoto smiled and brushed her uniform proudly. "I hadn't seen you till just now, Hitsugaya-kun. I though you hadn't gotten in. Which class are you in?"

Hitsugaya gathered up his books and answered as he left the sanctuary of the library. "I'm in the regular class."

Hashimoto smiled. Hitsugaya could tell the last question was just a way for her to tell him that she was in the advanced class. For the sake of politeness he asked, "So which class are you in?"

"Oh... I'm in the advanced class. I don't know how really." She laughed with false modesty.

Hitsugaya knew exactly how he had ended up in the regular class. They had told him.

* * *

The teacher was looking down at a sheet of paper when Hitsugaya entered the room. 

"Hitsugaya Toshirou, reporting." He stood to what he hoped was attention.

"Ah Hitsugaya-kun, please take a seat," said the teacher without looking up.

"Your exam results were excellent. Incredible actually. You are a clear candidate for the advanced class."

"Thank you sir." Hitsugaya had sunk very low into the arm chair provided.

The teacher finally looked up, but failed to see Hitsugaya over the desk. "Hitsugaya?"

"Yes sir." Hitsugaya shuffled up in the chair, and then slipped back down.

The teacher blinked twice in surprise. He coughed, "Yes as I was saying you would be a clear candidate for the advanced class, if it weren't for your..."

Hitsugaya's "..."

Whatever people meant by that uncomfortable silence, it always meant trouble for him.

This time the teacher chose "Youth," to fill that uncomfortable silence. "Perhaps it would be better for you to have a more gradual start in the academy.

Hitsugaya sighed, "But my exam results..."

"Were excellent yes, but we don't want to push you too hard too soon. Here take this." He handed Hitsugaya a paper which he had hastily scribbled out Advanced Class and replaced it with Regular Class. The teacher smiled patronisingly.

* * *

This wasn't the only time people underestimated him. Even when Hitsugaya graduated and thought he had proved his worth, that uncomfortable silence came back to haunt him. In an almost exact recreation of his conversation with the academy teacher Hitsugaya was placed as an unseated shinigami in the 8th division. 

"We don't want to push you."

He came to hate those words. If they wouldn't push him, then he'd push himself.

* * *

"Oh great I get to be on baby sitting duty." Bunta was an unseated shinigami in the 7th division in the 8th seat's section. He was currently being introduced to the newest and youngest member of the division, Hitsugaya Toshiro. "I'll be in charge of your training." 

"I will try my hardest sempai." Aside from his unnatural white hair the kid was pretty weird. He was polite, but there was an edge of irreverence there as though he was just humouring them all.

"You can have the tour later, but we like to throw you in at the deep end here in the 7th. We're going a soul buryin'. You do know how to do a soul burial right?"

"Of course."

Hitsugaya fell in a step behind Bunta. For once the calls of the other shinigami weren't directed at him, even if he was the cause.

"Hey Bunta! Who's the kid?"

"You starting a daycare service?"

"Bunta, try not to lose this one this time. He's pretty small. You might misplace him."

It was a cool evening when the two shinigami arrived in Kyoto. They started to patrol in search of pluses in need of soul burial.

Bunta thought he might as well get some information on the kid who was sure to become the talk of the division for some time.

"So Toshiro-kun, what's your story. Aren't you a little young to be in the gotei 13?"

"I went through the academy quickly," Hitsugaya looked around rather than meeting Bunta's eyes.

"Yeah, but they don't usually let kids like you into the academy at all. You got a family member in the high ups or what?"

Hitsugaya clearly wasn't in a mood to talk.

So Bunta continued the conversation by himself, "Like that fukataicho, the little one. Yachi or something. Gotta be nepolism."

"Nepotism," corrected Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya kept looking around and his hand went to his zanpakuto.

"Calm down Hitsugaya, nothing's here. I don't even think we'll find any…" Bunta found himself talking to thin air.

Hitsugaya had turned a corner into an alley way that led to the old part of the city. By the time Bunta caught up he found Hitsugaya standing by a plus. She was, or had been a young woman in a checked coat.

"Hey Hitsu-kun, I'll let you have this one since it's your first time," said Bunta leaning against a wall and picking something out of his teeth.

The woman looked up startled. She started to pull away from Hitsugaya, but he said, "Don't worry I'll make sure everything is alright."

The girl stepped towards him again. "Will it hurt?"

"No. It'll hurt less than staying here. Are you ready?"

The woman nodded.

"You'll have to bend down," Hitsugaya's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Bunta hid his laugh in a cough and made a note to tell the others about this.

But when the woman bent down and Hitsugaya pressed the seal into her forehead, there was a sense of something profound and grave and elegant. It was like the woman was a princess bowing in acceptance of a gift.

* * *

His rapid rise in the division ranks was foreshadowed by his rise in the academy. There was resistance, but his talent shone through. He couldn't be held back. 

It was only a month in that Hitsugaya was moved up from the regular class to the advanced. They couldn't find sparring partners to match him and he was doing his own research into kidou well above the low level ones they learnt in class.

Entering the Advanced class was worse than entering the academy. At least in his old class people had tolerated him. He had been the kid with funny hair. But when he moved up all his old classmates thought that he was the kid who had surpassed them. He had made most of his year resent him. The advanced class weren't much better. Most of them already had superiority issues. Having a mere kid join their exalted ranks hurt their pride.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" Hashimoto was slightly startled.

"I've been moved up." Hitsugaya smiled.

"Oh that's great. Come sit by me. I'll help you get up to speed. Ask me if you don't understand anything."

"Thank you Hashimoto-san." Hitsugaya grit his teeth in a wider smile.

That first morning in the advanced class Hitsugaya really sealed his fate at the academy. They were learning to draw forth their zanpakutos. It required a great deal of spiritual focus to materialise the first sealed form, let alone the later releases. Many Shinigamai didn't achieve initial release until they left the academy.

Hitsugaya followed Hashimoto to the training grounds. They were much nicer than the ones he had seen previously. The teacher instructed them to meditate and try to find their cores. Hitsugaya had missed the earlier instruction on meditation that the advanced class had received. He just sat with his eyes closed and hoped. It was all so boring. He could have sat and breathed at home on the roof or in the watermelon patch.

But slowly these thoughts faded away. There was a white stillness which filled his mind. The whiteness had always been there. Normally his thoughts shaded him from it. The hidden whispers grew louder.

Here it was calm and right. This belonged to him.

In the centre of the whiteness something even brighter glowed with a cold fire. There was a writhing shape. Red eyes gazed out at Hitsugaya.

"_Finally."_

With a jolt Hitsugaya opened his eyes. There was a pain in his chest. The light from inside him was spilling out.

"Hitsugaya-kun!" Hashimoto shouted. "Help Sensei!"

Everyone was staring. Hitsugaya staggered to his feet and clutched at his chest. The light engulfed him. It felt as though his soul was being torn in two.

Hashimoto and the rest of the class shaded their eyes. The teacher tried to start a binding kidou. Then with a last great flash, that left everyone dazed, the light dissipated.

A bewildered Hitsugaya stood holding a sword which was almost as long as he was tall.

* * *

Hashimoto was looking for a book on zanpakuto types in the library. She couldn't find it on the shelf. Scanning around, she saw it on the top of a pile of books on a desk. Just poking above the pile was some white hair. For a moment she hesitated. 

"Hello Hitsugaya-san," she said.

"Hashimoto-san." Hitsugaya didn't look up. "How is everything going?"

"Fine, fine. You never came back to class."

"They moved me up to the second year, then the third year." He turned a page. He was embarrassed to look at her. He knew what her expression would be. One of amazement and indignation. He was so sick of that expression. "Do you need anything?"

"Do you have 'Zanpakuto Types' by Hikari?"

"Yeah. It's just there. It's a bit rubbish, but is has a nice grounding in theory. Just don't take her classifications too seriously. Very rigid." He turned the page of the tome he was reading.

"Oh... thanks." Hashimoto left him alone.

Hitsugaya had looked wistful then, like a lost child. If Hashimoto had looked back that day in the library she would have seen the same wistful expression. But she didn't and she never knew that she had been the closest thing Hitsugaya had had to a friend at the academy.

* * *

But friends weren't the reason he was there. He wasn't quite sure why he was there. Something to do with protecting people and Momo. But he was changing and that made everything else change around him. Hitsugaya traced the guard of his new sword with his thumb. They had moved him up to a class devoted to bringing out his initial release. He was too busy to worry about 'whys'. There was a light and a pair of red eyes he had to chase.

* * *

"Hey Hashimoto, you knew that kid who was in class last week right?" 

"Not really. I met him at exams."

"I heard he's been moved up. Momo-sempai said he was a genius. I guess she's right."

"Genius is overrated." Hashimoto buried herself in her book. She wasn't going to be beaten by a kid.

* * *

I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter. But if I don't break it here then there's no suitable place to break it for ages and ages. I could have made it about three times longer. And Hitsugaya isn't entirely in character, but he isn't really meant to be. I was trying to get a across a sense of confusion and lack of purpose. Next chapter I'll be exploring how he changed from the bratty kid we see in flashbacks to the serious kid we see in the present. 

Hashimoto wasn't meant to be so evil either. She is one of those people who is nice so long as she has the upper hand, but things are going to turn nasty. She was meant to be a bit of a wimp, but she decided to be an example of how Hitsugaya's talent alienated him. She'll be back next chapter along with the problems caused by Momo's words.

The next chapter will also deal with the events of my other Hitsugaya fic 'The Family of Snow and Ice'. This is a blatant plug, but the next chapter will make much more sense if you've read that fic.

Hope you've stuck with me. I'll try to update soon.


	3. Games

**Sorry for taking so long, but here's a peace offering of an update and the promise of another to come fairly soon. I know this is short, but the next one will be longer.  
**

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* * *

  
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Hitsugaya twisted, dodging a blow from the left. He spun round and fended off another from behind. A third attack cut him across his shoulder. Blood dripped down his arm.

"Damn it. I had to return this uniform." Hitsugaya grumbled. He switched his sword to his other hand and went on the attack.

The circle of attackers around him widened as Hitsugaya came at them in a flurry of steel. Hitsugaya was surrounded by seven of his fellow students.

He hadn't been looking for a fight, but when he came back to the academy in a borrowed shinigami uniform, he had found one. Seeing the prodigy who had surpassed them in a few months in a shinigami uniform had enraged a group of 5th years.

Hitsugaya blocked four of the five attacks levelled at him. The fifth, a kidou from a tall man named Makota, seared Hitsugaya along the back. Hitsugaya remembered Makota from the week he had spent in the 5th year class. Then he had struck Hitsugaya as a bully. Now Hitsugaya's suspicions were confirmed.

Tired and unwilling to fight any longer Hitsugaya sucked up his pride and made a desperate attempt to run for it. He threw his sword forward and dived through the gap which formed in the ring of attackers. He breakfalled and caught Houinmaru. Springing forward with one foot, the other pushed sideways sending Hitsugaya into another roll and narrowly avoiding a kidou blast.

Hitsugaya gambled that they wouldn't be able to follow him with flash steps. He's only just learnt them himself, but they were enough to get him up onto the bathhouse roof.

Finally he slumped down onto his futon in the barracks. There he peeled of the borrowed uniform. There was a large hole in the back and it was sticky with blood. There was no way he could return it to Isane-fukutaicho in this state. His wound was no worse than the ones he might receive in sparring. Nothing to bother about.

Hitsugaya climbed into bed. He had to lie on his front. This afternoon had been so good, but ruined by his return to the academy. Things like this just made him more determined to graduate as fast as possible. He was fast approaching the record for the fastest graduation.

People having high expectations of him had rubbed off. With all the whispers and rumours and sideways glances as well as the supposedly encouraging words from the teachers Hitsugaya had come to realise that he was something special. Not just his age either. He could have been average and young and that would have been easier. Instead he was brilliant and young. That was so much harder.

* * *

There were rules to being a kid in Rungokai. They were much like the rules to being a kid anywhere.

Don't tell.

When Hitsugaya came home covered in mud, Momo asked "Shiro-chan? Who did this to you?"

"I slipped in a puddle. It's no big deal." Hitsugaya tugged off his sandals.

Momo bent down beside him and wiped his face with a cloth. Removing the mud revealed a rapidly swelling black eye.

"And I suppose the puddle gave you this black eye."

"Yeah. It was a really big puddle." Toshirou scowled.

"Oh Shiro-chan," Momo said as she hugged him tight.

"You're covering yourself in mud," Hitsugaya said crossly. But he was glad Momo was there to make things better.

* * *

Hashimoto was there when Aizen died. She had become 5th seat in the 2nd division. She was running a message from Soifon to Urahara when it happened.

The battlefield which had been Kakakura Town was a hell. The sounds of death and fighting and dieing, of last breaths and lost souls were everywhere.

Then into this hell of noise came silence. Pure silence.

Even this far out from the centre of the battle the combatants stopped to shield their eyes as a bright light poured out from where the last captains were fighting Aizen.

Hashimoto lowered her sword from the neck of a hollow. Then it dropped from her hand. But the hollow didn't attack. It too was paralysed.

The light faded, but the silence remained for a moment. Then the battle resumed. There was desperation on both sides now. Both sides had seen something which was terrible even if they didn't know what it was. They were all fighting for their lives. Lives which seemed tiny when illuminated by that awful light, like spots of dust in front of window.

But Hashimoto fell to her knees. She knew what the terrible light was. She'd seen it before, but it was pale back then. She had felt that fear and insignificance before. It had haunted her, and now it was worse. She couldn't live in a world where such things existed.

So when the arrancar's claws tore through her Hashimoto was not afraid. She was going in the opposite direction from that terrible light. She was running from it. Running to where it couldn't follow. Running from death, back to life.

* * *

When Hitsugaya was very small he had played a game called resurrection. It was a bit like hide and seek or sardines. There were two teams, the living and the dead. You had swap between them if you got caught by the person who was 'the shinigami'. The living could only hide with the living and the dead could only hide with the dead.

Hitsugaya was very good at not getting caught.

"Can I hide with you?" he asked a group of children hiding under Grandma's house.

"Are you alive or dead?"

"I'm dead."

"No we're living. Find somewhere else."

"But I never get to be living."

Yes, Hitsugaya was very good at not getting caught. No one ever came looking for him.

But when it was his turn to be 'the shinigami' Hitsugaya was very good at the game.

* * *

**I just need to sort out the order of the next chapter which I've had sitting on my computer for over a year. I was reminded to update by **RmfD **so this is for you RmfD.** **Sorry again for dropping this for so long.**


	4. Dragons

**I promised you a longer chapter. Here it is. It deals with the events of the second Bleach film. If you don't know it then it might not make a lot of sense. Key facts can be found on Wikipedia- ****wiki/Bleach:_The_DiamondDust_Rebellion**

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* * *

Chapter 4: The Dragon  
**

Hitsugaya knew exactly what he would do with his day off. All around him academy students were planning their brief holiday in Seretei. But Hitsugaya was going home. He would visit his Granny.

He hoped she would be better since he had been away. And now he knew how to control his spirit power much better he shouldn't be such a danger to her. He could show her Houinmaru too!

Hitsugaya dropped the sweet buns he'd brought her from the Sereitei's marketplace by the door as he rushed inside.

"I'm home!" he called out. "Granny I'm home!" He skidded round all the rooms looking for her.

There was someone by the back porch! Hitsugaya slid to a halt. It wasn't his Granny. It was a young woman he didn't recognise. She was holding a small child who screamed.

No wonder! A kid with a sword had just rushed into their house.

"Ponta-chan stay behind mummy," the woman said. "Please... please don't..." she backed away from Hitsugaya.

Shocked Hitsugaya dropped to his knees and placed Houinmaru before him.

"Please accept my apologies," he bowed low, "I was looking for my Grandmother. I used to live here with her."

The woman laughed nervously and knelt down herself. "We found this house empty two months ago. I'm sorry for using it without your permission. We heard that the owner had passed on and no one else lived here. We can move out straight away."

Hitsugaya let the information sink in. She was gone. He couldn't think about it, but he could feel her absence deep in his gut.

"No. No that won't be necessary. I'm attending the shinigami academy."

"Really? A kid like you. Oh! I'm sorry I didn't mean..."

Hitsugaya put on a strained smile. "I've got some sweet buns. Please take them as an apology for my scaring you."

"Will you stay and eat them with us?"

Anywhere else Hitsugaya would have said no, but in this house with the memories of his Grandmother he couldn't.

"That would be nice." Toshirou smiled like he had for his Grandmother one the last time.

* * *

When he got back to the academy Hitsugaya was like an oncoming storm. As he stalked through the dormitories people could feel their skin prickle.

His neighbours had indulged in some of Seretei's more adult pleasures and were drunk.

"Hey Shorty! How's the family? Run home to Mummy like a good little boy?"

Ice cracks. Deep fissures form under great pressure. In thick ice you can hear the creaking from the dark depths. Then with little warning it comes crushing down.

Hitsugaya lit up the dark dormitory with his reiatsu. It licked about him as cold fire. So long he had kept it under restraint, scared of hurting others like he had hurt his Grandmother. And what good had it done him? She had died anyway. She might have been old, but he's shortened her life.

He was more furious with himself than the people now frozen to their futons. Hitsugaya turned his fury inward. He wouldn't let this happen again. He clamped down on his reiatsu more tightly than he had ever done.

His light winked out. In the darkness even the more perceptive students couldn't feel Hitsugaya's spirit presence.

He curled up on his futon and promised himself and his Grandmother that he would never hurt people he cared about again. He would give his life rather than hurt them.

His teachers noticed his restraint straight away, when they didn't notice him. A few looked around for him in their classes even when he was at the very front.

Hitsugaya had always stood out because of his spirit power, now he stood out because of the apparent lack of it. Some were worried that he'd lost it somehow. But when called to use it Hitsugaya could. It blossomed like frost and felt stronger than ever. Then as soon as Hitsugaya lowered his sword or finished his incantation the reiatsu was gone.

His control and silent made many people jump out of their skins. Hitsugaya had become a ghost in a world of ghosts.

"Are you Hitsugaya Toshiro, the genius everyone been talking about?" A tall young man with long black hair tucked up into a bun smiled at him.

"Uhuh," Hitsugaya turned away from the window.

"I'm Kusaka, nice to meet you. You're in my class now aren't you?"

Hitsugaya scanned his memory searching for Kusaka's face. "Yeah." He'd just been moved up to the final year class.

Their friendship crept up on both of them. They enjoyed sparring against each other. Hitsugaya liked the challenge, a sense of fun competiveness Kusaka brought.

Kusaka explained himself to Hitsugaya one night as they left the library. "I want to be the best I can. I'm going to give my best to soul society. And you're the best I know."

"Shut up."

"No really, you get top marks and you're the only one who can beat me in training exercises. I'm going to be more like you." He ruffled Hitsugaya's hair. "I'm just stealing all you secrets, you know."

"You're mad."

"Why are you here then?"

"I..." Hitsugaya shrugged. He couldn't explain it anymore. His motives were all tangled up. Granny, Hinamori, the dragon he saw in his dreams.

Kusaka didn't press him. Hitsugaya liked him for that. Kusaka opened himself up to others easily, but he didn't care if Hitsugaya didn't share his openness.

In the run up to graduation they spent more and more time together. A perk of the final year was that students could choose their accommodation. It seemed obvious that Hitsugaya would share a room with Kusaka. The grim looks that other students gave Hitsugaya had dropped away. He was shielded by Kusaka. He was thankful. Hitsugaya found himself smiling and relaxed for the first time in ages. He didn't even worry when he brushed ice crystals off his pillow in the morning. And he didn't seem to be doing Kusaka any harm. In fact his friend seemed happier too. He had a new brightness in his eyes.

Kusaka woke shivering again. "Hitsugaya, I had such a strange dream."

Hitsugaya was already dressed and about to leave the room they shared.

"Hey where are you going?" Kusaka asked, sitting up.

"Oh sorry, did I wake you?"

"Where are you sneaking off to this early?"

Hitsugaya stretched guiltily, "Nowhere."

"Ok I'm going nowhere too."

Hitsugaya tried to protest, but Kusaka had already thrown on his clothes and was tying up his zori.

"So where exactly is this nowhere?" Kusaka asked Hitsugaya as they passed out of the academy gates.

"There's a cave out in Rungokai. I'm going to go for shikai." Hitsugaya didn't look at his friend as he spoke.

"That's great. I think I'm ready too."

"Really?" Hitsugaya looked up. It was nice not to be alone anymore. He'd had enough trouble at the academy without being the only student in his to achieve shikai. But if Kusaka did too, then it would be different.

"Yeah. I'm glad we became friends. I think you drew it out of me. Ever since we moved in together I've been having these dreams. It's like my zanpacto is as impatient as I am to meet him.

"I've had the same feeling." Hitsugaya smiled. He remembered how good it was to share something with a friend.

The cave was cool. Water dripped from it's high ceiling. In settling of spirit power the water froze into icicles. Hitsugaya sighed and gripped his sword. Houinmaru.

He turned to see his friend Kusaka smiling. Hitsugaya smiled too. They held swords, mirror images of each other.

Hitsugaya's grin widened. "I'm glad we could achieve the same power." He'd known Kusaka was understanding, but now his best friend could truly understand.

There was a shudder, as though space itself was sneezing. The cave walls blurred. Hitsugaya and Kusaka saw a transmission of a chamber where masked figures sat, row upon row.

"What?" Kusaka drew his new sword up into a guard position.

* * *

Hitsugaya curled in on himself. He hugged his knees tight. He could feel that the dark masked figures were in the room. This room that he had shared with his friend. And they were the same people who had killed him.

"Come forward," one of them said.

Hitsugaya stood levering himself up with his sword. He drew himself up to his full short height.

He expected to be taken back to that chamber, the one he'd half seen the day Kusaka died.

Instead he was ushered into a waiting room with painted tigers roaring across elegant screens.

"Enter."

Hitsugaya bowed as an attendant slid open the screen. The sleeve of a stunning purple and light green kimono extended just beyond another screen, this one painted with river irises. The attendant closed the door behind Hitsugaya with a soft click.

"You are Hitsugaya?"

"Yes Marm," Hitsugaya found himself using an honorific against his will. This was one of the people who had caused his friend's death.

"Your voice," said the lady behind the screen. "How unusual. We would look at the owner of this voice, if you do not find it terribly inappropriate."

"Um no...?" Hitsugaya had never heard anyone talk like that.

A pale hand pulled back the edge of iris screen. Two dark eyes peered over a fan at him.

"Oh," the painted on eyebrows raised in shock. The lady dropped her fan from her face. "We thought it would be the other one. The Central 46 did not inform us." She smiled showing blacken teeth. "We admit that we are glad another child hasn't been lost."

Hitsugaya wrinkled his brow. "What do you mean?"

"You may call us Murasaki-dono."

"Murasaki-dono. Can you tell me why you killed Kusaka?"

"Hitsugaya. We did not kill Kusaka. You did."

"I... struck a blow, but he didn't need to die." Anger boiled up. The tranquillity of this place made Hitsugaya snap. "Why couldn't he live? Why couldn't we have the same zanpacto."

"Zanpacto. Houinmaru." The lady closed her eyes. "Ah ... Right attitude. Right mind. Right soul."

"What? That's what they said. What does all this mean?"

"It means you killed Kusaka. Your soul was too strong for him. Your spirit power spilled out into him. His Houinmaru was a reflection of yours. His own zanpacto was crushed down by the power of yours till Houinmaru filled his soul too. He wasn't really alive at the end. An imitation of life, an imitation of your life. It is good that you killed him."

Hitsugaya gaped. The image of his Granny covered in ice, struggling to breathe the cold air that rolled off him, filled his mind.

"I thought... the academy was meant to teach me how to control... Why is it only me"

"This is not a usual situation. We thought that it was you who was the reflection, that the child was the one killed. That made sense. A boy too young to come to the academy overpowered by an older soul."

"But Kusaka wasn't weak." Tears sprang to Hitsugaya's eyes. He blinked them away.

"Have tea with me."

A masked servants brought in the objects for a tea ceremony.

Hitsugaya kneeled quietly. He could feel the lady's dark eyes watching him.

He gazed into the empty cup she handed him. It was pale green with delicate cracks of blue glaze.

"There should have been another way," he said quietly as he passed her back the cup.

"Perhaps." She whisked the tea to a fresh green froth.

"Why am I like this?"

"Let me tell you a story."

Hitsugaya sipped the tea.

"Once upon a time there was a king. He lived in a kingdom of confusion and darkness. His subjects turned on each other. Monsters roamed the lands. The king imposed order on this chaos. He brought order. For a while things were good.

On a mountain in the kingdom, so high that the king's power couldn't reach lived the dragons. They held themselves aloft from the king's new order. The king sent them a message.

A dragon was chosen to meet with the king. He spoke with the dragon about the balance.

In a kingdom of order you must have evil to balance good. Some people and some monsters had to be sacrificed for this balance. The king's laws were strict, but with need.

A force of evil attacked the king during the dragon's visit.

Through the confusion and the smoke the dragon saw the king under attack. He saw the dream of order burning. He saw people screaming in pain. Chaos was worse than balance.

The dragon launched himself to the king's rescue. The forces of evil were held off for the moment.

The dragon had received a terrible wound. His heart's blood pooled around the king.

The king thanked the dragon and he gave him the title of Celestial Protector. Then the dragon died. The king looked up to see four more dragons landing around their fallen brother.

"Our brother has given up his life for your dream," they said. "We will no see that dream destroyed and his sacrifice made in vain."

So one dragon stayed with the king, while the others took their dead brother back to their mountain.

The mountain was so high that time couldn't reach it. Down with the king the dragon that had stayed grew old. Another dragon died for the king's dream. This dragon was replaced with another. Thus it went on till the last dragon arrived and bowed before the king.

"I am the last of my family. I am here to protect the dream my brothers and sisters died for. I fear that with my death we will have failed to protect your dream for eternity."

The king looked at the last dragon and he was sad. He was close to death himself, despite all the efforts of his magicians.

"Dragon my dream for this world is coming to an end. I have a new dream. There is an undiscovered country which needs saving. Will you and your family protect me there as well?"

The dragon agreed.

In time and battles the last dragon died. The king sent the body back to the mountain.

Now the king was very sad. His new dream had prospered, but he missed his friends.

The king had many soldiers to defend his dream, but he feared it wouldn't last without his dragon defenders.

His enemies attacked again. There was a great battle. One of his soldiers defended the king on the steps of his throne. When the battle was won the king called this soldier to him.

"I would reward you for your bravery," said the king. "What do you desire?"

"King, I desire nothing," said the soldier.

"You must have something for saving my life."

"I was simply keeping my family's promise," said the soldier."

The lady paused in the story.

"So the soldier was one of the dragons again?"

"You understand?"

"Why did the dragon go back? The king didn't seem to deserve it."

"We don't know. We are not a dragon."

* * *

Hitsugaya had killed his friend Kusaka three times now. But this time he'd done it properly. It was over. He'd repaired his childhood mistake as best he could.

Still a question Kusaka had asked him rolled round his mind.

"Why do you stay?"

He thought back to the story the beautiful woman with the blackened teeth had told him.

The king's dream hadn't made everyone happy, but the dragon's defended it anyway.

When he first heard it he thought how the gotei 13 wasn't perfect either, but it was better than chaos. Kusaka had wanted to give everything to defend it. Then Hitsugaya had too, in memory of him.

But now as he cleaned his friend's blood from his sword Hitsugaya wondered how many more mistakes the gotei 13 would have to make before the balanced tipped away from it being better than nothing.

* * *

**There you go. I have another chapter that is ready to post, which I will in a few days. Another one just needs polishing and then I've got a few ideas that need writing up. The last chapter has been written for over a year. I'm just telling you this to reassure you that I'll finish it without another huge time gap.**


	5. Smiles

**Yet more time skipping fun. Here's another chapter for you, another short one. This story is all out of order, but here's a fairly coherent chapter. It foreshadows some things in the last chapter. Enjoy.  
**

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**Chapter 5: Smiles  
**

* * *

Hitsugaya was bored and uncomfortable. An unseated shinigami just placed in the 8th division was leaning into his face. His breath stank of alcohol. The whole place stank of alcohol.

"You... you're really short. I remember that."

Hitsugaya twitched. He fended the man off with a pillow and tried to exit the party.

But a quiet getaway was impossible at the graduation party. Every time he tried to leave someone would grab him by the collar and say "You aren't leaving are you? Of course not. Sit down, have a drink."

Hitsugaya was skilfully plonked down in a crowd again and handed a drink with an umbrella in it. He sighed and twirled the umbrella.

The academy graduation was a final fling before entering the gotei-13. An excuse for new recruits to mix with their new colleagues. For 'mix' read 'get drunk'.

"So then I said, "Is that your shikai or are you just pleased to see me?" and punched him in the face," Hitsugaya had been deposited amongst some of the 11th division's newest ladies. The conversation made him blush. He tried to dampen his spirit power as much as shinigamily possible. But he couldn't escape their notice for long.

"Hey it's the kid genius!" a woman with a black eye exclaimed. "Whatshisname."

"It's Hitsugaya," he muttered.

"Aww he's so cute. You're so cute, you know that?" another woman pinched his cheek. Her pinch was like a vice. "How can someone so cute be a shinigami? It shouldn't be allowed. I couldn't fight him, he's just too cute."

"Please stop saying cute," Hitsugaya said. "Inebriation apparently restricts the vocabulary."

"Aww grumpy, that's so cute!" the blackeyed woman ruffled his hair.

The temperature began to cool slowly, but noticeably.

"What division are you in? Not the fourth I hope."

"Seventh." Hitsugaya said.

"Aww you should'a joined us in 11th. We're the best."

"He probably couldn't take it."

Hitsugaya ground his teeth. Ice frosted the edge of his untouched drink.

"But he could have been a playmate for the vice-captain."

"He definitely couldn't take that."

"Couldn't take what," said an impossibly cheerful voice.

"Ah Vice-Captain, it's nothing," the women shuffled away from Hitsugaya. "We were just saying this kid couldn't hack it in the 11th division."

"Not because he's a kid, you understand," her companion said hurriedly, "Just because he looks like a wimp."

Hitsugaya looked up from his now solid drink. Pink. Pink was the overwhelming impression. She was a kid even younger than him. And she scared these annoying women.

"Are you a wimp Snowy-chan?"

"No." A plain response, "And it's Hitsugaya."

Then with all the attention span of a child she ignored him, "Yumi-koi, I need you to get the mochi from the top shelf," and she tugged the shinigami with the black eye to the kitchen.

Hitsugaya took the chance to try to leave again. Unfortunately he was about to encounter a graduation party tradition. "Hey, who came top this year?" a shout was heard through the crowd.

Hitsugaya should have gotten out then.

"Frost-butt", "That kid" and "The short bastard." Was the garbled response from the crowd.

"Where it he?" Hitsugaya saw the speaker this time, a guy with a bald head and nasty grin.

"He's over here!"

Hitsugaya found himself swamped by drunken people. One of them was together enough to cast a binding kidou. They picked him up and carried him outside. Hitsugaya didn't struggle as much as he might have. At least he was out of the stifling house. Then he saw he was being carried into the central courtyard in the middle of the house. Its main feature was a very large pond.

He started to struggle for real and got one arm free enough to punch one of the people who were carrying him in the face.

"Ichi! Ni! San!" came the chant and Hitsugaya was thrown into the air and down into the pond.

He stood up to peals of laughter. There was an ornamental water lily on his head.

"Look the water comes up to his neck!" someone laughed.

Hitsugaya snapped. Everyone there suddenly found out why it is not a good idea to throw a very cold person into a very wet pond. Ice shot out throughout the house. Some high seated shinigami jumped out of the way, but everyone else was stuck up to their waists.

Hitsugaya climbed out of the pond and wrung out his robe. Very calmly he left the party. If he'd realised that all he'd had to do to get out was freeze everyone he would have done it earlier.

Someone pink dropped on him from the ceiling. "You're not a wimp. I'll ask Ken-chan if you can come and play soon, Snowy-chan. We can play some good games! Bye-bye!" She skipped off to jump on frozen people's heads in a bizarre form of hopscotch.

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**Another chapter tomorrow probably. Till then hope you're all having a good time and if you feel like leaving a review that'd make my day!**


	6. Reactions

**Chapter 6: Reactions**

* * *

Matsumoto held her captain like she always wished she could. He was curled up on her lap. She stroked his hair like a mother comforting her child. If he had been conscious he never would have allowed it. His face was peaceful, the permanent scowl he'd worn these past months lifted.

Matsumoto looked up at the sound of footsteps.

"Was it... was it him?" Renji asked. The vicecaptain was dishevelled from battle, a bandage wrapped round his forehead in a bloody imitation of the bandanas he liked to wear.

Matsumoto kept stroking Hitsugaya's hair. She rocked him gently.

Renji couldn't even look at the young captain. "How...?" He stared at the ground.

"Where's Unohana?"

"By the third gate."

Scooping up her captain Matsumoto stood. The blood on the young boy was hers, not his. Renji started forward to help her, but hesitated, seeing Hitsugaya stir.

Matsumoto looked at him with disappointment.

"He hasn't changed. He's still my captain."

Renji rubbed his neck. "Yeah... well... yeah." He supported Matsumoto and lead her to the healers. "He was just so bright. Too bright," Renji muttered averting his eyes.

* * *

Everything had changed. Even in defeat Aizen had made sure of that. Some people rejoiced and cut loose for the first time since this whole affair began. But there was a sadness and a darkness lurking behind the celebration. Once Kira broke down in tears and had to be led out by Hisagi.

Some people weren't there to celebrate. Konomaru-taichou had died fighting his friend. Hinamori had not been seen since she escaped back to Aizen's side. Yamamoto had given his life for the organisation he had devoted it to. But there were rumours about his death. Strange things had been seen, but anyone who had seen them was quickly gathered into 1st division and afterwards was reluctant to talk about them.

But the most rumours surrounded the youngest captain. It was said that he was the one who defeated Aizen in the end. Others said it was the Ichigo, who had sacrificed his life on earth to save both worlds. But everyone agreed that Captain Hitsugaya had done something terrible during the battle. You could see it in his face.

It wasn't his expression, thought Matsumoto. If anything her captain looked happy. He laughed again. But Matsumoto could understand why others were reluctant to approach him now. As you got near him there was an unsettling feeling. If they weren't all dead, Matsumoto would have described it as seeing a ghost. He didn't seem to be part of this world anymore. It gave her the chills.

Hitsugaya entered the office twirling a pen across his fingers.

Matsumoto shivered. She blinked then, "Taichou!" enveloped him in a bone crushing hug.

As he squirmed to get free, grumbling and threatening, Matsumoto reassured herself that he was real and hugged him tighter.

* * *

"You saw it, didn't you," said Ichigo.

Matsumoto nodded. There was an uncomfortable silence

He tugged at his captain's haroi. "This blasted thing still doesn't sit right." Ichigo changed the subject.

"Here, let me fix it," Matsumoto twitched the fabric straight. "There. The very picture of captainly deportment." She smiled.

Ichigo scowled. They were back to uncomfortable silence.

"People think it was me."

"Is that ok?"

"It bugs me a bit, but I think... I think it would be best if people didn't know what happened."

"Thank you." Matsumoto tapped out a tune on the desk. "Unfortunately it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. People can tell there's something... different."

"Even I can sense it. I mean, I saw it, but... even without that I can tell. Will it ever go away?"

"They don't know. I don't think it will. It's what he is."

"And how is he coping?"

"Good... very good in fact. It must be less disturbing for him than it is for us. And he's always had to deal with being different."

Ichigo stretched and picked up his zanpakuto. "Tell him I'd like to spar with him sometime."

"Are you sure?"

"I need to know, what would have happened. If I was enough. If everybody thinks I defeated Aizen, then I'd like to know I could have. The only way I can do that is to fight the guy who defeated him."

"I'll tell him, in a while. He needs his rest. And so do you." Matsumoto jabbed Ichigo in the ribs with her elbow and he winced.

"Taking down espada all day does take it out of you." Ichigo agreed. "Fine I'll wait, but not too long."

Captain Ichigo received a message from Hitsuagaya a few months later. They agreed to meet out in the wastelands of Rungokai. Their vice-captains would be the only ones to accompany them.

"Rukia-chan," Matsumoto looped her arm through her friend's. "How's it going with Ichigo?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Rukia said, "He's a nuisance, always running off when I need him to do something and mocking my explanations." But her blush said something else entirely.

The two vice-captains followed behind their superiors by a good few paces so they couldn't be heard.

"I hope they are going to be alright," Rukia said, "Ichigo gets very into these sorts of things."

"Nothing my taichou can't handle," Matsumoto said proudly.

Rukia smiled, then stopped. "But promise me it won't be like that last time. The light was so terrible. I thought...."

"He won't let that happen again. I know it," she said sincerely, but Matsumoto was worried too.

* * *

The way Matsumoto described it when she was being debriefed was as a pinhole camera.

"You know the kind you use to look at the sun. You pierce a hole in a board and just let a speck of light shine through. Then you look at the light on another board behind it. You must never look at the sun directly. You use a pin hole camera so you won't be blinded by the sun. Well it was kind of like that, but gone wrong. It was like the pin hole became larger and larger and too much light came through and suddenly you weren't looking at a dim projection on a board, you were looking at the sun itself. And it was going to burn me up."

* * *

**Another chapter coming soon! If you'd like to leave a review it would make my day!**


	7. Waiting

**Here's a fairly pivotal chapter, hope you like it. It may not be entirely obvious, but I hope by that you'll be able to figure out what I'm aiming at.**

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* * *

Chapter 7: Waiting**

* * *

Yamamoto had been waiting. He had waited so long, he'd even forgotten he was waiting. So when the person he'd been waiting for appeared he was surprised. Even a couple of centuries ago, he wouldn't have slipped past Yamamoto. He was a seated officer in the gotei 13 before he noticed the flash of white hair he'd been waiting for.

But he'd been mistaken before. There would be no harm in making sure. The last time he'd searched for this person, the search had led him to Ukitake. He'd hoped that he was to white haired boy he was looking for. He had never regretted the interest he had shown in the boy, even when he found the cause of his hair colour was illness. But centuries later he was less interested in academy admissions and didn't have the patience to invest in another young person.

He had of course heard gossip about a young boy rising through the ranks, but when in an inspection of the 7th division he saw him for the first time, he was still surprised. A person as cold as he was hot, but still only a child.

There was no point in worrying now about lost time, but he did set one of his seated officers to investigate the boy. His origins surprised him. He had expected the boy to come from a noble family as he had. But he had long ago accepted that some things were beyond his comprehension.

Their interactions were infrequent until the boy became captain. There could be no question of his skill now. No mutters of favouritism.

Ichigo breathed heavily behind his hollow mask. This guy was insanely powerful. The old guy was lying very still too still. Ichigo fought the temptation to check on him further and readied himself to attack Aizen. As blow after ineffectual blow bounced off Aizen, who took as much notice of Ichigo as he would off a speck of dust, Ichigo saw out of the corner of his eye that the Toshiro kid was crawling his way towards the old man.

"Yamamoto-domo," Hitsugaya said, not expecting a response. The old man had always had such a presence and now there was only a vacume. Hitsugaya closed his eyes gently with one hand. He looked around for the captain's zanpakto. He picked it up and closing Yamamoto's fingers about it, laid it on the old man's chest. But there wasn't time for all this sentiment.

Orohime's scream cut through everything.

"Go to them," Hitsugaya said getting up and meeting Ichigo's eyes. There was an unpleasant cracking in his ankle. "They need you."

Ichigo paused for a moment looking at the boy. He looked broken. His sword hung loosely in his grip and his haroi was more red than white. But the determination in his eyes and another scream from Orohime convinced him it was time to go.

But as he shunpoed away he wondered if it had been determination or resignation in his eyes that he'd seen.

Aizen turned to him, "That's twice I've failed to kill you." He smiled, "Third time's the charm."

"Then I'd say we're even." Hitsugaya tightened his grip on Hourinmaru and slid into a defensive pose. It was all he could do to stop Aizen's first blow from cutting straight through him. His earlier battle had taken his strength. Even shikai was beyond him.

"I thought I taught you that big words on a small man make you look weak. You shouldn't make promises you shouldn't keep." Hitsugaya dodged out of the way and spun to find Aizen looking down at Yamamoto.

"Like this old fool," Aizen kicked the dead man's sword out of his grip. "He promised to protect everyone. He couldn't even protect himself."

Hitsugaya took the chance to attack, but was swiftly and effectively blocked. "Protecting yourself isn't the same as protecting others," he panted moving away again. "Leave him alone."

"Another fool." Aizen stood on the sword crushing it. It shattered then the pieces faded like the last embers of a fire.

In a moment he was behind Hitsugaya. Then all Hitsugaya could hear was the rush of his blood in his head. He coughed and more blood appeared. Then he collapsed.

Aizen rolled him over to face the rising stairway. "It would be nice to have a witness to my ascension to godhood. Try not to die too fast."

Hitsugaya held Houinmaru tightly. It would end like this then. The great ice dragon coiled and writhed in pain. Then there was a second dragon, not as clear as Houinmaru, but brighter and hotter. The second dragon passed something shining and white to Houinmaru, a pearl from its mouth. As Houinmaru took it Hitsugaya felt right, not better but right. The same way it had felt right when he first called Houinmaru's name. The other dragon faded away just as the captain's sword fragments had, a brief glow and it was gone.

But all this was just in his head, his eyes showed him Aizen ascending to the throne of the King. Houinmaru pushed him to his feet. Everything had gone calm inside like a frozen pool. As he put his foot on the first step Aizen turned.

"Will you come up to me or must I come down to you?" He sounded bored.

"I will come to you," Hitsugaya's injuries had gone silent. He climbed softly past Aizen till he stood at eye level with him, a few steps above him.

"You would sit upon the throne of heaven," Hitsugaya slipped off his haroi and let it drop. "I can not let you. You would destroy the balance, destroy everything, everyone. I can not let you."

"Hitsugaya-taicho" Aizen smiled and struck… nothing. Hitsugaya had skipped backwards up the stairs.

"No, Hitsugaya Toshiro." He wasn't acting as a captain anymore.

Hitsugaya ran up towards the throne. Aizen was there moments after him.

"We talked about strong words making you seem weak. Step aside or this time I'll make sure you are dead."

Aizen struck out towards Hitsugaya who paried and struck back.

"I know why I couldn't defeat you before," Hitsugaya said calmly. They traded blows again. "The first time I was fighting for Hinamori." Again Aizen lunged and again he was repelled. They seemed evenly matched for the first time. "The second time I was fighting for myself." Aizen wasn't smiling anymore. "This time I'm fighting for everything.

"This ends. Bankai!" Aizen's reistu exploded. The hideous changes he'd undergone to gain this power were obvious. A bizarre mix of hollow and sinigamani, unlike vizard or arrancar. Unbalanced.

"No." Before his power could gather and solidify Hitsugaya stepped right in close and closed his hand around Aizen's wrist. He began to glow white, not the usual crackle of reitsu, but softly as though he was lit from inside. A calm centre in the tempest of Aizen's power. He took the sword from Aizen's hand and tossed it down the stairs.

The man looked up, too confused for any emotion. He looked into eyes that weren't the Hitsugaya's he'd known. Something else was looking out, something old, something incomprehensible. But it was Hitsugaya too. As though the Hitsugaya he'd known was only the reflection of this new more real Hitsugaya.

"Aizen, the man who would sit on the throne of heaven, heaven has rejected you." Hitsugaya brought his sword down in a wide arc.

For a long time he paused on the top of the stairway. He looked at the throne, but had no wish to sit on it. He knew where he had to go and what had to be done, but for a moment he wanted to wait before he descended again. It was so quiet here. There were so many things he wished that he could have asked Yamamoto. But he understood the old man's sacrifice and that he would have to make it too someday. But not for a while.

He picked up his haroi on the way down and slipped it back on. His shoulder complained as pain began to shout again.

He found his side victorious. And in all the blood and pain and death, people were managing to smile.

"Yo Toshiro-kun," Ichigo said. "Do you need Orohime to take a look at you?"

"No thank you."

"She really is a miracle worker you know."

"I know."

"Are you sure you're ok? Did you beat that Aizen bastard?"

"Yes."

Hitsugaya left Ichigo and started to check who had made it and who hadn't. They were his responsibility now.

* * *

Everything was white. Everything was so white that he could only tell it had been white when it started to recede. Colours and dark shapes began to appear and that pure, bright white faded. He opened his eyes. He missed the white light, but there was whiteness here too. Wherever here was.

Snow fell in Rungokai.

* * *

Yamamoto had been waiting

Yamamoto had been waiting. He had waited so long, he'd even forgotten he was waiting. So when the person he'd been waiting for appeared he was almost surprised. Even a couple of centuries ago, he wouldn't have let the flash of white hair almost slip past him.

Hitsugaya couldn't close his eyes, he couldn't look away. He could see Aizen climbing to the door, the way he raised his arms in triumph, the expression of victory on his face. Then Hitsugaya saw only whiteness. His sprit body disintegrated into a shimmer of reiatsu. Aizen turned with a smile and drew on the spirit particles that had been the young captain. He found it ironic that the last person to fight him had provided him with enough strength for what came next.

* * *

Hitsugaya had returned to the whiteness, the perfect peace that he'd forgotten he'd even forgotten.

"Not yet," said a familiar voice. There was a smile on Yamamoto's face.

"Please," said Hitsugaya. He wasn't sure if he was asking to stay or go.

The old man held something out to Hitsuagaya. It glowed so bright, even here in this bright place.

Once again Hitsugaya was torn out of that bright place.

* * *

Everything had worked out for Aizen. All of his minions might have fallen, but that didn't matter. Once he passed through these doors he would sit on the throne of heaven. He could rearrange the world as he saw fit.

After everything he'd gone through to get to this point, it almost seemed anticlimactic. All he had to do was push open these doors. He laid his hands on their cool surface. The doors swung inward so easily.

They opened onto bright whiteness. Aizen shielded his eyes and squinted.

A figure stepped out of the whiteness. A familiar figure, who Aizen knew was dead. He had watched him disintegrate moments before.

Hitsugaya stood in the gap between Aizen and his goal. Hoinmaru was in his hand. His tenth division haori was missing, replaced by plain white one.

Never one to be unnerved by a twist of fate Aizen smiled and stepped forward. Or tried to.

Hitsugaya had stepped to meet him, too fast to see. He placed a hand on Aizen's chest and with a sharp push propelled him backwards.

Aizen landed smoothly and smiled. "There's always something else, huh. Are you shiro-chan, or simply look like him?"

"You would sit upon the throne of heaven," Hitsugaya slipped off his haroi and let it drop. "I can not let you. You would destroy the balance, destroy everything, everyone. I can not let you."

"Hitsugaya-taicho" Aizen smiled and struck… nothing. Hitsugaya had stepped backwards between the doors.

"No, Hitsugaya Toshiro." He wasn't acting as a captain anymore.

"We talked about strong words making you seem weak. Step aside or this time I'll make sure you are dead."

Aizen struck out towards Hitsugaya who parried and struck back.

"I know why I couldn't defeat you before," Hitsugaya said calmly. They traded blows again. "The first time I was fighting for Hinamori." Again Aizen lunged and again he was repelled. They seemed evenly matched for the first time. "The second time I was fighting for myself." Aizen wasn't smiling anymore. "This time I'm fighting for everything.

"This ends. Bankai!" Aizen's reistu exploded. The hideous changes he'd undergone to gain this power were obvious. A bizarre mix of hollow and sinigamani, unlike vizard or arrancar. Unbalanced.

"No." Before his power could gather and solidify Hitsugaya stepped right in close and closed his hand around Aizen's wrist. Hitsugaya began to glow white, not the usual crackle of reitsu, but softly as though he was lit from inside. A calm centre in the tempest of Aizen's power. He took the sword from Aizen's hand and tossed it down the stairs.

The man looked up, too confused for any emotion. He looked into eyes that weren't the Hitsugaya's he'd known. Something else was looking out, something old, something incomprehensible. But it was Hitsugaya too. As though the Hitsugaya he'd known was only the reflection of this new more real Hitsugaya.

"Aizen, the man who would sit on the throne of heaven, heaven has rejected you." Hitsugaya brought his sword down in a wide arc shattering Aizen's half formed hollow mask.

Hitsugaya was dead. As Aizen sword cut up into his body Hitsugaya felt something break. Whatever spirit animated him shattered. Hitsugaya crumpled to the floor. Again the last sight in his eyes was Aizen's smile.

"He's coming!"

"Let me rest here a moment," he said into the whiteness.

"He's coming, he's coming! Closer, closer!" the voices became more insistent.

"Fine. Don't say I don't do my duty," he picked himself up and brushed himself down. If this was a place where you could smile he would have worn an expression familiar to those who knew a young captain on the other side. A confident smirk. "Bunch of useless..." he muttered as he left.

The throne of the king was not very ornate. It was solid, ugly and old. Even Aizen couldn't keep the excitement from raising his heart rate.

"At last." He ran a hand along arm, feeling the jolt of power that came from it.

"Keep your filthy hands off that," a voice said dryly.

Aizen's sword was already unsheathed by the second syllable. He struck nothing but air and the side of the throne. From round the other side of the throne strolled a familiar figure.

"Hello again." Hitsugaya waved. Aizen looked at him in astonishment, then back at the pitiful little pile on the steps.

This new Hitsugaya was dressed in a white kimono and harori. He wasn't carrying a sword.

Aizen didn't ask any questions he just struck. Again his sword bit nothing.

Hitsugaya was now sitting on the arm of the throne. One eyebrow was raised mockingly.

"A new trick? Worthy of me." Aizen smiled and sheathed his sword.

"There are some people who are very upset with you. Unfortunately that means they are very upset with me too," said Hitsugaya. He hopped off the throne and went over to the dead Hitsugaya. "Whew! You really messed me up." He slipped an arm under himself and pulled the other Hitsugaya to his feet. "That was a big mistake."

"What are you?" Aizen asked.

"I'm the bit of him that was him before and will be again. I'm from the other side. Not the normal other side, the opposite direction. Now I don't have a personal problem with you," he shook the dead Hitsugaya, "But this bit really does. And I've got a big problem with what you are doing." He opened the dead Hitsugaya's eyelids. "Ugh I hate doing this."

Aizen didn't wait for whatever 'this' was. He released his shikai intent on hypnotising this new Hitsugaya too.

But the new Hitsugaya had picked up the fallen Houinmaru. He batted aside the flowing light of ...

"Please, don't be any more of a nuisance." He started to glow softly, huge green eyes bright in his increasing whiteness. "There that should do it." The new Hitsugaya started to fade. Aizen just heard his voice "Big mistake. I warned you."

His support gone the dead Hitsugaya should have fallen, but he waivered onto his feet. Houinmaru was in his grip. He opened the eyes that had been clouded and rapidly cooling moments ago.

Aizen stepped back. There was too much brightness in those eyes. The shade of a huge dragon hung over Hitsugaya's shoulders.

Hitsugaya shrugged. When he spoke it was as though he spoke with the voice of the strange Hitsugaya overlaid with his old anger. "Big mistake," he said from behind Aizen.

Aizen turned, but in turning opened the wound Hitsugaya had slashed in his side. His blood dripped black on the floor.

Hitsugaya wiped his sword on his sleeve.

"Wait," said Aizen.

* * *

Light flashed out across the battlefield.

* * *

**I've rewritten this chapter at least 3 times and I'm still not very happy with it. But there it is anyway. Please tell me what you think.**


	8. Ladies

**This is going to be the last chapter for a while. It acts quite well as an ending, but I know there are still a few things to be resolved, my crazy time jumping out of order writing made sure of that. Enjoy.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Ladies**

* * *

There were five women in Hitsugaya's life. They weren't all there at the same time, but they were all important.

The first was the old lady who had looked after him as a child. She was like a grandmother to him.

Then was Hinamori, she was his first love, but whether he loved her like a sister, like a friend or something else he never could disentangle.

Then came Matsumoto. Sometimes she was a mother, sometimes she was a child. She was always a friend. Matsumoto was his partner, his support, the one who drove him crazy and the one who kept him sane.

Orihime was only in his life for a short time, but he still cared for her. They were companions in quietness. He cried when she died. Both times.

The last was also one of the first, but his relationship changed with her so much. Yachiru had been an annoyance and a reassurance, the only shinigami shorter than him. She was always shorter than him, even when she got taller. And she was one of the few people who didn't act differently towards him after the end of the War. They had gown up together. That led to them growing close.

"Shiro-chan!" Yachiru bounced up to Hitsugaya. "Everyone is being boring."

"Hitsugaya-tachiou."

They were attending a party to celebrate Yorichi and Urahara's return to Soul Society. It was almost early morning and most people were asleep in garden. Hitsugaya liked the twilight. He had been looking for a blanket for Ukitake.

"Everyone is asleep." He laid the blanket over the shivering man who curled up comfortably.

"Yeah, boring"

Realising that he could never get Yachiru to be quiet Hitsugaya led her away from the sleeping people. "Let's go look at the sunrise from the top of execution hill."

Yachiru nodded and dashed away.

Hitsugaya found her sitting on the edge of the cliff, whistling a tune and swinging her legs back and forth. There was something adorable about her.

He sat down beside her. It seemed even Yachiru could be quietened by the beauty of a sunrise.

When the sun had well and truly risen Yachiru leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She blushed, he blushed.

* * *

Hitsugaya didn't see her for a few weeks. But he remembered her and he remembered that kiss. He hadn't thought anyone would ever kiss him like that.

Once after they were much more comfortable, a few centuries later he asked her, "Yachiru, why were you the only one who could bear to stay near me after the battle with Aizen?"

Yachiru climbed into his lap and pulled his arms around her. Hitsugaya rested his head on hers.

"You got much shinier Shirou-chan. Too shiny for everyone else. But I grew up with Ken-chan so being around shiny people never bothered me. You're no worse than Ken-chan when he gets angry. But that time he chased you round rungokai for climbing into my room, then you were both too shiny. It was funny but it gave me a headache."

"Oh so you'd rather I hadn't snuck in?" Hitsugaya asked with a smirk.

"Hmmm, no. It was worth it." She snuggled into his chest and twisted to kiss his neck. "I like it when it snows and when Ken-chan gets to have fun."

Much, much later, when almost everyone who remembered what had gone before was themselves gone and memory became history, then legend, two people sat and had tea. Well one sat and the other dangled from the ceiling. Though she was very old, she still had pink hair. She dyed it now.

"Shiro-chan!" she called.

The old man woke with a start. He had dropped off in the middle of pouring tea. "Mm sorry." He tried to pour the tea, but it had frozen in the pot.

"Ah Yachiru-chan, I'm sorry."

"No worries Shiro-chan. Tea is stupid. Let's go for a walk."

The two old people wandered aimlessly through a sereitei which was very different from that of their youth. Gone was the distinction between seretei and rungokai. As they passed people bowed.

"Shiro-chan, Shiro-chan, Shiro-chan." Yachiru giggled. "You are too old to be Shiro-chan, Shiro-chan."

"I've always been too old to be called Shiro-chan." Hitsugaya had long ago given up trying to convince Yachiru to call him by his proper title. Now it didn't seem to matter. People were more likely to think he was too old than too young. He could still remember who it was who had always annoyed him by calling him Shiro-chan. He grabbed hold of Yachiru to stop her bouncing around and he held her hand. The two old people walked on like that.

The end grew closer. Soon only one person walked down the paths by the lake. The other had gone down fighting as she had always hoped, burning and glorious and victorious. "I beat the other guy, I beat him good... ....chan," she had mumbled.

That just left Hitsugaya. He wondered, as he often had before, how Yamamoto had felt. He missed his friends. But he still had people to protect. There were new threats, hollow hybrids created by a rouge scientist a few centuries back. And there were new shinigami being trained that he had to look after. Hitsugaya was still a protector.

But he was surprised many ways when he saw a flash of white hair in the ranks of graduating shinigami. He was surprised that the time had come. He was surprised at the sense of recognition, it was like looking at himself. In a way he was. But mostly Hitsugaya was surprised at how relieved he felt.

It would only be so long until his time was up. He looked forward to it.

And at the very end, when he had given up his life to protect everything and to usher in the new generation, Hitsugaya wasn't sad.

Everything was so white, so bright. But this time he was here to stay, at least for a while. The out of place feeling, which he had felt for so long that it almost became part of him, was gone. He was home and people were waiting to welcome him.

But even that ending ended. For nothing is permanent except change. Eventually, after many generations it was his turn to go back. The cycle of guardians had turned again. Hitsugaya was ready. The whiteness faded, everything became heavy and confused.

* * *

A young boy sat up in a field of snow. A snowball caught him straight across the ear. It stung. He looked round angrily for the person who had thrown it.

A young girl with golden hair was rolling around with laughter.

"You looked so surprised, Snowball," she giggled.

"Who are you?" the boy asked, scowling.

"I'm Moto Matsumi," she jumped up. "I'm dead. Who are you?"

"I'm..." the boy paused, a name dancing on the end of his tongue, "Hitsugaya Toshirou."

"Wow what a mouthful, Snowball." She shovelled snow down his neck and ran off laughing."

"Matsumoto!" he shouted.

"What?" Matsumi walked back, "That's not my name. It's Moto Matsumi. Say it, Matsumi."

"Sorry Matsumi, I don't know why I said that." The bright clearness where everything made sense was fading in his head. But when he looked in her blue eyes he could almost catch a glimpse of something clear and bright. A memory at the bottom of a deep pool.

Matsumi hugged him. "Aww you look so confused. I'm going to take you home with me. You've only just arrived right? Only just died?"

Toshirou struggled for a while, then realised he couldn't escape and muttered, "Sure," into Matsumi's shoulder.

"I'll look after you."

"I don't need looking after." Then Toshirou pushed her over in the snow and shoved some down her jumper. She scrambled up and pelted him with another snowball.

The two children laughed and played in the snow till it grew dark. Then they walked home.

All ends mark the beginning of something new.

* * *

**So in the end (of sorts) I'm left wondering and hoping you'll wonder how things would have turned out if Hitsugaya and Matsumoto (yes that's her) had found each other instead of their respective childhood friends. If I get a good response and any more ideas then I might continue. Tell me what you want clearing up and I might.  
**


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